In our efforts to enlighten, empower, and encourage those who have been touched by domestic violence, today IMGF shares an engaging interview with Officer Gail Merriwether.
Please feel free to pose your own questions through the "comments" section provided.
1. What's the biggest misconception
that people have about domestic violence?
The Top three biggest misconceptions:
That it mainly impacts poor minorities-- (it crosses every racial, social and economic
boundary), that women aren't as likely to abuse (it's on the increase), and that
those victimized are ready to end the relationship (not true).
2. How can a woman in a new
relationship spot a potential abuser? Are there any red flags or warning
signs?
Biggest red flags? A man who
discourages your other friend/family relationships (wants to keep you away from
other people), and loses his temper too easily. This is not the
same as discouraging the company of other guys he sees as potential threats
(this is normal male behavior), or getting a little snarky after having a bad
day. I advocate getting to know exactly who you're dating before getting
intimately involved and that takes time as well as seeing the person in different
situations.
3. Why aren't more perpetrators criminalized?
Actually they are quite often
criminalized. The laws in Illinois take it seriously and favor the victim. So
much so, that many men carry a scarlet letter on their backs (a domestic
violence label in their record). But it cuts both ways---some innocent men have
been falsely labeled after being accused out of vengeance or spite following an
argument, or from having been part of a simple pushing/shoving match as an
immature 17 year old. The result is a record that follows him/her for a
lifetime preventing any future government employment or job that would involve
weapons such as police officer or security guard.
4. Do you think that domestic
violence is more or less prevalent in the time since you initially became a
cop?
I would say it is more prevalent. I would ascribe much of it to a breakdown in
the family structure, which spawns girls with low self esteem (ripe victims) and
fatherless boys who have never been schooled in how to treat a female (ready
abusers). There was a time when a girl's father or brothers would 'have a talk'
with Joe Blow if he maltreated their sister or daughter. With the last
few generations bearing ever smaller families, and many women today living on
their own, that 'protective big brother' ingredient is missing, leaving us to
turn to the law to take the place of what used to be handled as a family
matter.
5. Would you recommend, ( as a deterrent) that women take
self-defense classes or carry a gun?
I definitely recommend women take
self-defense classes (more than one type) because it gives you a sense of
assurance that, if attacked, you have some kind of game plan in mind,
it familiarizes you with adversarial physical contact, and at the very
least, you go down fighting and hopefully taking a piece of him with you! I have
heard that some advise not to fight back, and in the case of a weapon you have
to weigh your options carefully, but you must always assume the perpetrator
intends to kill you. Why go willingly?
I do advocate women learning to shoot. Take courses on a shooting range and
qualify with different types of weapons. Shooting is not a male or female
thing; it is a neutral skill that involves eye-hand coordination and
concentration, and well worth learning. Not surprisingly, many women find they
are good at it. Either way, acquiring the knowledge enables you, should you
ever come across one, or decide to own one, to know how to handle, use, load, or
unload it safely.
6. How can those of us that know someone who is being victimized
help?
I mentioned before that not everyone in
a domestic violence situation is always ready for help. Some are in denial.
Some want to work it out. Some want to wait for the other person to change.
Some truly love the abuser (albeit an unhealthy love) and will not leave the
situation no matter what anyone says.
The best thing you can do is;
1) Be ready to listen with a sympathetic ear. Use caution in giving
advice--it may backfire if the victim decides to get back together with the
abuser.
2) Do not insert yourself in the middle of the conflict by confronting the
abuser.
3) Know the laws in your city regarding domestic violence and orders of
protection, as well as abuse hotline numbers. Be ready to share this information
with the victim should the opportunity arise.
4) Stay in regular contact with the
person if possible; check on their well-being with phone calls or visits.
5) Be ready to call police if the situation warrants (hearing fights,
screams, or things breaking). If they are never informed, the situation won't
be on their radar.
6) Be ready to testify as a witness to incidents you have seen or
heard
7) Be ready to call the nearest hospital or police station on the victim's
behalf if they come to you for assistance. There are a number of organizations
and hotlines who will handle it from that point.
